


Scared To Be Lonely

by Rizaru



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Battle of Hogwarts, Comfort Sex, M/M, Smut, aftermath of war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:08:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizaru/pseuds/Rizaru
Summary: A silent night spreads before the ruins of Hogwarts.The dead lay still and the living lay awake, mourning their lost ones, living the fears of the day in the dead of night.And they wonder, can comfort even be found in the aftermath of war?





	Scared To Be Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Scared to Be Lonely - Martin Garrix, Dua Lipa
> 
> I cut my hair myself today for the first time ever!! It's lovely even if I say so myself!! I have a knack for breaking 'rules' 'legally'. Like is cutting your hair yourself a crime or what? No, but all the time as a kid everyone says not to cut it and bla bla bla and I have always wanted to try it so now I did... hehe
> 
> That's something compleletely out of place concerning this fic, but I just wanted to tell you how fabulous it was to do..
> 
> I'm sorry, I'll go hide in a dark place now..
> 
> Here's the story:

 

Draco sat still on the railing of the clock tower, looking on into the piles of rubble and blood layering everything in a reminder of grief and the mute screams and explosions still echoing down below. It was quiet here, high up above, looking on and seeing only the flaying trees of the Dark Forest, the Dark Lake, all Dark. His thoughts the most of all.

It was.. over now.

What would it mean for him, now that it finally was?

Over.

It hadn't gone well: nothing had gone well for he and his family over the years.

They were disgraces on all sides, the Malfoy's, the bottom of the bottle.

A bottle Draco wished he had, sitting there in silent gloom.

And now.. once the winning side awoke and collected their dead, saw what had happened clearly in the light of day, they would damn him, damn his family into Azkaban. Shivers went down his spine even at the thought of it.

Azkaban...

The absolute worst of the wizarding world.

Few months there had made his father a living skeleton, a ghost of his previous self. And it had not grown any better afterwards. The Dark Lord had waited for them, always  _gracing_ their halls with his presence and malicious whims. How could Draco have stopped any of it?

With what powers would he have killed the man killing thousands like ants?

With what powers had Potter done it?

Potter..

Their Savior.

He should thank the young man, Draco knew.

But all in all, how could he even thank him?

Waltz up and say: "I'm sorry for everything. Let's be friends."

That would end up well.. Draco laughed a hollow laugh.

Potter had rejected him so many times already, from the beginning till now. He wouldn't probably even want his apology, his thanks. Everyone knew he would get those more than enough after defeating  _him_ , Voldemort. Even thinking the name made his insides twist in fear. How had he survived, sitting there in his presence for so long?

Draco didn't know.

He stared at the sky, wanting to forget, think it was all okay again, like when he was a kid and at the top of the world, with a powerful father, a loving mother and friends who looked up to him.

Now he only had his mother's love.

It was more than he could stomach now. Reason for him escaping here into the night, to brood.

A shuffle behind in the rubble caught him off guard, making him jump in fright so hard he fell off the railing, heart in his throat, and was halfway falling down to the rubble and blood when a levitation charm lifted him back up to the tower.

He panted in a mix of relief and unease, gripping the railing tight before he looked to his side to see.. Potter standing there, looking startled and a wand pointed at him. For once it didn't make him want to grab his own. Not that he had it - it was with Potter, too.

Potter who stood there like summoned by his thoughts straying astray for a minute.

Well of course.

"Not probably the best place to sit at", the Savior said with a hint of tired amusement as he lowered his wand, "I'm sorry for startling you."

Draco looked at him for a long moment, taking in the mess of a black hair, round glasses and the green eyes behind, watching him quite bemusedly with a hint of surprise and apprehension for his prolonged silence. Draco made a silent promise to himself and righted himself, smiling a little and hopping back on to the railing, but now facing his lone visitor, to the quirk of Potter's eyebrow at his haphazard move.

"My fault for letting you startle me", he said and looked at the wizard, looking baffled at his words. Draco was, too.

It was strange, talking to Potter without ire or jealousy. But it was something he could do now. There was nothing to keep him from falling any lower anyway, no father breathing down his neck to be impeccable at all times, no Dark Lord wanting the man before him dead at the cost of anything.

So why not regard the man who saved him with the respect he deserved? Certainly Draco could do it - he _was_ a Malfoy after all. Born to be polite, pleasant and a bit haughty: a royal.

"Thank you for lifting me back up. Although I wouldn't say having fallen down would have been such a bad choice now - perhaps a reason for me sitting here in the first place. But we never know, do we?" Draco let the words carry over and knew he meant them. Between falling to his death and spending the rest of his life in Azkaban, he'd choose falling.

Potter frowned and Draco decided to talk, since he had nothing better to do and the man looked curious: "Azkaban's waiting for people like me, you know? Having seen what it does to a man braver than me makes it the last choice I'd take. But I am grateful", Draco said and looked Potter dead in the eye, "For you saving me earlier today. Who even knows what will happen now.. maybe I won't go there after all.. happens what happens.. once morning comes, everything will change, won't it?"

He looked back up to the sky, letting Potter do what he willed and let the sadness grip in tighter again, coiling around inside him. That was why he jumped a little when Potter was suddenly leaning on the railing next to him, a slight smile on his lips again as he looked up at Draco.

"Don't go falling again", he quipped in a small laugh before falling silent again, gaze locked on in somewhere far beyond reach.

"Mmm-mm.. I won't", Draco muttered and saw a little twist of a lip from his peripheral vision on Potter's mouth. Then they just.. were there, side by side, both missing things far too sad to actually voice, yet anyway.

"Thank you", Potter finally said and Draco stared at him, abashed.

"Err... How or why or what have I ever done to make  _you_ thank  _me_?" he asked and Potter looked at him like at a giant idiot.

"You didn't tell it was me, back at the Manor", he said simply, like wondering if Draco had a really bad memory or was just dumb.

"Oh that", Draco said quietly and stared at the sky again for a while, drawing strength from there, "I don't want to see people die. And you were our only chance to live, in the long run. I just did what I could to achieve that. He made us pay back for that dearly, though. But I'm alive, still. So that's that."

"I don't think you'll go to Azkaban", Potter suddenly said and did not meet his inquiring gaze at the news, "I'll testify for you. It should be worth something."

A lopsided grin rose on the black haired young man's lips and Draco snorted before he laughed aloud and earned a look from Potter.

"Your word.. worth something..", he shook his head and watched the black mess of hair that covered a slight blush, "You are the most renowned man of the wizarding Britain for years to come, childhood nemesis of mine. No wonder I always envied you."

Potter looked up at his confession, looking baffled.

"You? Envied me? _Me_? Why in the bloody hell would you envy an orphan?"

Now Draco looked at him like he'd grown two heads.

"You were liked for no reason apparent but your defeat of the Dark Lord while I was a renowned figure way before that, being a Malfoy, and then no one thought nothing of me when you were there. And then you wouldn't even be  _my_ friend, but accepted right about anyone else. How do you think that made me feel?"

"You were a prick", Potter stated, defiantly, looking up at him with a peculiar expression, before he chuckled a bit.

"Hmm-mm", Draco mused in apparent unwillingness, "I might have been - okay, I _was_. But will you really blame me for that? You try living a pampered life and get bested by a short kid with a mess of a hair and pretty eyes right as you finally get to show how good  _you_ , yourself, really are."

"You think I have pretty eyes?" Potter asked with a chuckle, but there was some red on his cheeks. Draco huffed in exasperation. The Savior wasn't used to compliments.. no kidding right.. And was that the thing to concentrate on?

"You're going to have a few though years ahead of you, Potter, if _that_ makes you blush already", he drawled, gaining back a bit of feeling like himself.

His comment managed to blummet the rising atmosphere to a freezing cold in a second as Potter looked down at the bloody grounds and wound his hands together in apparent unease.

"I never wanted any of this, you know.. Not the fame, the awe at things that were luck - even the.. defeat.. of Voldemort was because you disarmed Dumbledore and I disarmed you at the Manor. His wand was mine and so I won. Luck", a grave voice Draco had never heard from the boy he thought he knew on some level made him calm down and look at him seriously.

"Luck, talent, whatever. Public hardly cares what _you_ think. That's the cruel fact. I think you are _something_ , though. Not anyone could do it, given the same circumstances and the factor of luck. I don't think I could have", he said and looked up at the stars, at the constellations his crazy family was named after. Bellatrix, Sirius, Andromeda, Orion.. Even his own one there somewhere, covered by clouds now or on the wrong side of the castle. Not that Draco'd know - he was never that interested in stars, only looking at them twinkle at him sometimes and reminding him of mad laughter he knew not did he like or not.

Potter looked up at him and said a simple, small "Thanks", before looking at the stars, too.

"What brings you here?" He asked after a long while of standing still and watching silence spread out before them. "I'd think you'd be with your family this evening. Your mother saved me, did you know?"

Draco was truly baffled by the question and Potter caught his shocked expression, smiling a little in response and knowing his answer before Draco even said anything.

"No, I did not know that", he muttered before answering the first question, "It was too much, to see them now when my mind was a mess and theirs even more than mine. Father hasn't been the same for years and mother is coping the best she can. We help each other deal, yes... but sometimes.. you need something more than that."

"I can understand that", Potter said but did not look up.

"Same reason for you being here and not with everyone? You have even more people caring for you than I - that's not a good example- I have none but my family, but you have _everyone_.. well I'm sure you understood the question", Draco said, getting lost in his speech, forgetting to think before speaking because somehow, It was easy to talk to Potter. Too easy even.

"Yes and no", Potter relented after a short break, "I came to grieve, mostly. Blame myself for their deaths. And Hermione wouldn't let me do that - she'd see right through me and tell me to stop because I couldn't have done more to save them - but I want to have this grief, I want to have it while I know they do, too... And while we cry together.. I'm not used to that: being a part of something so big. I don't like being alone.. No, I love them and would love to share their pain.. But I feel like an outsider, if I'm being honest. That's the real reason."

Draco hadn't expected Potter to be so open with him. Never had he pictured them talking like this and being cordial, _friendly_. It was a taxing night, no doubt, making them do things hardly normal. So Draco went along with what felt right at the moment and moved his right hand away from the railing to land on Potter's shoulder, giving comfort and understanding, warmth only touch of another could give. Something they both missed but couldn't quite get. Green eyes met his in amazement at the touch, but Draco only shrugged with one shoulder and quirked his lips in a half smile. Sadness radiating off his whole being.

"I'm quite sure this is far from what you'd require, but I'm here, aren't I? We can be hiding here, brooding alone but together. I'm far from family to you, far from someone you'd care about, but sometimes.. That's just what feels right."

To Draco's wonder, Potter lifted his own hand and set it over his, smiling with sad but appreciative eyes up at him.

"Alone but together, you said? I quite like the sound of that", he said, squeezing Draco's hand a little and due to his amazement, Draco said nothing back, just sat there, first looking at the messy hair hiding Potter's expression and then at the sky again.

Hands touching, side by side, they thought together on things better let go off in time to keep on concretely living, indulging themselves in grief and sorrow, in an unknown future gradually forming from the shadows before them as the sun started to light the ruins little by little. It had been hardly past midnight when it all came to an end. Hours before they set out to rest. The castle would sleep late into the morning, no one waking in many more hours from their restless sleep, fiddled with haunting memories and hopes of a better tomorrow.

"I think we should better head inside - it's not a warm morning", Draco said with a shiver, his voice cracking from the cold and unuse.

"Aren't you a wizard?" Potter asked in a try of a joke, to which Draco only smirked half heartedly.

"A wizard without a wand. I believe you have mine still, and I left mother's with her - I know, don't say anything. What a stupid thing to wander around here with possible Death Eaters and whatnot lurking around but I wasn't exactly thinking", Draco said in his defence, drawing out his words in annoyance at himself and the whole situation.

Potter started at his words and began fumbling with a little leather bag round his neck, drawing out his, Draco's, wand from there and holding it out to him, giving it to Draco. The blonde only dumbly stared at it for a long moment, making Potter squirmish.

"You are giving it back to me?" He asked, looking hopeful and yearning to feel his own wand in his fingers again, meeting Potter's green gaze with wonder. The other wizard looked at him in an exaggerated turn of his head.

"It's  _your_ wand, Malfoy. Why should I keep it when I have my own?" And the man twiggled another wand in his other arm, still holding Draco's wand in the other.

"You took it - you could have kept it out of spite.. but I think that's not very you.. unless it's me acting spoilt and cocky", Draco said and palmed the wand, taking it and feeling being home again as his magic coursed through the piece of wood. He smiled without meaning to, only to open his eyes to meet Potter's bemused gaze full of understanding, making it hard for Draco to be mad at him.

"Let's go on then?" Potter asked, taking a step from the railing while Draco jumped down, only to stumble because his legs were cold and stiff. Potter caught his arm and Draco felt his cheeks color in exasperated embarrassment. How could this be his life now? First almost falling to his death because of a tiny sound and now not even being able to walk?

"I'm so out of shape tonight", he sighed while straightening up, only to shut up when meeting green eyes staring right into his silver ones in surprise - because they were nose to nose, a few inches separating their faces. Neither could say anything, only stare in a state of stillness at the strange aspect of it all. Draco'd never seen the green pupils up so close before, glittering in the blinking morning sun, peeking over the forest line.

"They are pretty", Draco said without meaning to, the words tumbling from his lips to the question asked earlier, "Your eyes."

He wanted to curse at the stupid thing to say when Potter's face changed to one of open-mouthed bafflement. He opened his mouth to say something to alleviate the extremely embarrassing thing to say to his ex-nemesis, when-

Potter reached over and suddenly warm lips were pressed against his in a heated kiss. Draco's eyes flew open as his mind short circuited.

Potter was kissing him. 

His hands gripping Draco tighter to his body by the hips, while his mouth moved against his - and Draco noticed he responded, actually opened his lips a little and met Potter's tongue with his own when it slipped past the seam just opened, eagerly knowing more about Draco's mouth. His cheeks were aflame now, thinking _how was this happening?_

And letting it happen.

It didn't feel bad, although he'd never thought to kiss a man, Potter the least of all. It was nice. Knowing he wasn't alone anymore, that there was someone who wanted him in this moment, a warm body pressing against his, backing him harshly against the railing. Draco's own hands moved to tuck Potter closer, moving to his wild mane and entangling there in the surprisingly soft curls.

When their air stopped, they pulled apart, panting hot air between their parted mouths, Potter's hand moving up along Draco's spine, making him shudder. It wasn't bad at all, what Potter made him feel.

"Weren't you with weaslette?" Draco asked, because how could he not, it was all so strange. Why had Potter even kissed him?

"I..." Potter stuttered and clarity opened his eyes wide, staring into Draco's so close now. So he didn't know either, Draco thought and started pulling back, away from Potter's arms snaking around him still. But the man wouldn't let him. The grip held.

"I broke it up with Ginny when sixth year ended", Potter answered, his eyes clouding over but his hands holding onto Draco. It was uncomfortable, but he wanted to hear it through.

"We... I have no idea what will happen. As you said it all clears up once everyone wakes up tomorrow.. But.. I don't know what this is, either", the arms around him tightened, "I don't know, but I'd like to see what it is... if you don't mind staying with me?"

Draco stood stiff and still, registering what Potter had said while the man in question looked down and bit his bottom lip in unease.

To see what it was...

"I wouldn't mind. I'd hate to be left alone now", Draco said, startling himself with the answer as much as did Potter.

It was the truth, however illogical and crazy it might've seemed. Potter looked up at him, as surprised as Draco was by the fact they were going to.. see what it was. Draco watched as Potter licked his bottom lip and leaned down to kiss him. It warmed something inside of him, making a slow, warm fire burn in his stomach as their lips moved together, tasting and taking comfort and safety in another, making the flames burn brighter.

"I think we really should head inside", Draco said as he pulled out for air, feeling the cool morning air bite at his neck, "others will wake sometime, maybe soon and I would rather be away once that happens."

Potter nodded and rested his head against Draco's shoulder while panting slightly out of breath.

"Would be best, yeah. Where? I don't know any new passwords.."

"The Room of Requirement?" Draco suggested, before remembering it might still be up in flames. His stomack lurched at the thought.

"I wonder if it survived", Potter said with a wince, "I think that's our best bet, anyhow."

Draco agreed and so they walked the corridors up into the seventh floor, hoping to have not seen the destruction all around. Their hands were entwined together, walking along and looking straight ahead grimly, wanting out of there. They met no one, everything empty and deserted, no noise or sign of life anywhere.

Only each other, hand in hand, in the middle of the remains of war.

They walked thrice in the right spot, hoping for warmth without flames, a bed and comfort to lull them to an illusion of it all being alright.

A door did appear, and with a final look at each other for confirmation, they pulled it open.

No flames burst out to scorch their faces, no yells of the fiendfire to lick their ears. Only a room, dark and inviting in its calm.

Draco led the way in, Potter following behind. There was a fireplace, warming the stone room. There was a huge bed in one corner and a brown rug on the part before the fire where a pair of armchairs sat. Red in color. Draco couldn't be bothered about the choice.

Once there, they both stilled, standing close but not knowing what to do. Draco was quite sure it was because neither of them had done anything similar before and simply did not know what to do now.

"Kissing and see where it goes?" He suggested and turned to watch Potter's expression, chewing on his lip again.

"No pressure would be nice.. just doing what feels good?" Potter added and they met in the middle of the room, giving in to simply feeling good. And how silly as it might've sounded to him a day or two before, kissing Potter was just that. 

They were about the same height, Draco a bit taller, both lean and built like the Seekers they were, which made it easy to devour the lips so deliciously close, no need to lean too low or reach too high.

At first, it was just their mouths locked together and hands merely holding on, but soon, they stared to experiment. Draco flinched, pressing tightly onto Potter, when a hand slipped past his shirt and warm fingers trailed the lines of his back in a caress. The move made their hips jerk together and Merlin if that didn't spark something new entirely to their touching as they both groaned at the electrifying contact and their kisses grew more and more demanding, fervent in the lips biting, nibbling at the sensitive skin, wanting more.

Draco drew back, panting so hard he had to close his eyes for a while. Potter didn't stop in his assault, however, only moved lower to bite at Draco's neck, making him hiss at the tinge of pain and whimper when Potter sucked at the tender skin to leave his mark there. Draco's hips bucked in need against Potter, grinding and hoping to find relief. Potter grunted and gripped him tighter, kissing at his neck with his wet tongue.

Draco was becoming jelly too fast under Potter's ministrations to keep on standing anymore.

He took a step back, dragging the black haired man with him and once the bed met his legs, he tucked and they fell on top of it. The harsh landing separated them and for a few minutes they just lay there, Potter on top of him, half way at least.

"You know how to kiss", Draco breathed, "I'm pleasantly surprised."

"Back at you, Malfoy", was heard somewhere from under the black hair in a half laugh before Potter peeked at Draco, vivid green twinkling up at him.

"I think it would suffice fine, too, if you called me Draco for the occasion", Draco said, flinching a little at his surname. Potter caught his look and twisted his lips into a smile.

"Brings back all those times we were about to hex each other, doesn't it?" he offered and added, "Feel free to call me 'Harry', Draco. Anything but 'scarhead', 'Savior', 'BWL' or the likes, really."

Draco chuckled in amusement and shook his head a little, wondering how they came to this moment once again.

"Sure thing, Sain-Harry", he quipped and earned a stifled laugh before their noses brushed against each other and he saw Harry's eyes hood over as he looked at Draco, or his lips to be more precise.

They were kissing again, more relaxed now after having stopped and found no need to hurry along.

It was the calm in the storm in their lives, these minutes that stretched to hours they spent hidden away from the world and neither wanted to hasten their time together, the moment looming before them forcing them to eventually separate.

They stuck to their words and did things that felt good, with no worrying if they were right or wrong, only listening to the other's little noises and expressions as their hands roamed and lips tasted every bit of skin they found. Somewhere along the way, their shirts had been thrown away, as well as their socks and pants, leaving them bare and twisted in the crumbled sheets.

Draco suddenly found himself intrigued over Harry eyeing his cock with a contemplative expression. The boy was hunched over him, hands on either side of Draco and head having just surfaced from licking at his chest and leaving a trail of red marks all over his rather pale skin. Green eyes met his in a question.

"Can I?" Harry asked, licking his lips a little.

Draco stared at him perplexed, before figuring out what he'd meant and he laughed, reaching to grab Harry's head and give him a sloppy kiss on the mouth.

"Why would I ever say 'no' to an offer of a blowjob?" he asked humorously and Harry grinned, looking a bit abashed.

"It's that good?" the boy asked, sounding rather hopeful. Draco sat up on his elbows, taking in the flushed cheeks hovering over him curiously.

"You've never had one?" he asked, incredulously.

Harry shook his head, embarrassed.

"Not really time for all these kinds of things, you know? I've had to run for my life all these years", he said bitterly and Draco reached up, kissing the expression away before smiling a little.

"I'll have to remedy that, then. I've never given one, but I've gotten many. I hope I'll live up to the expectations I arose", he smirked and rolled them over, Harry yelping a little over the sudden movement.

"Tell me if something's not to your liking", Draco advised in a murmur, before leaving a trail of kisses along the tanned chest before him.

He looked up to see Harry watching on his movements with a flush on his face and smirked, before slowly wrapping his fingers around the cock in front of his lips and giving it a slow pull. He opened his mouth and licked at the underside, all the time watching Harry's reaction. The boy's eyes were hooded again, watching him under his lashes and panting a little. Draco twirled his tongue around the head before taking the length into his mouth. It twitched once in and he sucked, bobbing his head up and down, taking more in every time, avoiding his teeth all the while knowing how uncomfortable _that_ was.

Draco switched between licking and twirling with his tongue so to not make it repetitive and enjoyed when Harry started panting and thrusting his hips up in small, desperately reduced pushes. Obviously he didn't want to hurt Draco, which only made him work harder on the organ in his mouth, flinching a little when Harry came into his mouth with a groan. He swallowed all he could before letting the softening cock out and licking his lips free of any lingering cum. It was salty but not too bad, he figured and caught Harry watching intently how his tongue swiped the last of it from his lips. He groaned again and latched his fingers tightly around Draco's head to lift him up and lying next to the boy, panting and relaxed.

"And you said it was only good", Harry sighed and kissed him on the mouth, Draco laughing into the kiss.

"I think that was you", he teased before saying more seriously, "But I was right wasn't I? No mind in turning down a blowjob."

Harry chuckled a bit and said: "No mind at all.."

They lay still, Draco running hands along Harry's sides and cooling his breathing, when Harry turned over and sifted down, looking up at him eagerly.

"I can try now, right?"

Draco laughed and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Sure, just don't bite me and all's good and well", he said and reclined back on the bed, looking on as Harry eyed his member curiously, before matching Draco's moves earlier, gripping it in his hand and pulling it a little. His cheeks were properly blushing now as he slowly lowered himself down and licked it, enthusiastically, but also a bit hesitant, as if thinking _was that how it went?_  Draco wanted to chuckle, but refrained by quietly groaning instead at the sensations.

It was tentative, a bit sloppy at times, but he would be a downright liar if he said it didn't feel good. It was enticing to see Harry bob his head up and down, green eyes hooded in pleasure and lust, servicing  _him_ , Draco Malfoy. Never would he have thought it possible in the years when the norm for them were incessant mocking and creative sabotage.

In no time at all Draco was coming with a shudder, filling Harry's mouth with his cum and lazily watching it drip down the side of the rosy red lips. He released a held in breath, feeling the tension over the last years vanishing as Harry lay down next to him, smiling slightly,ceyes closed, a warm body next to his bringing safety and comfort Draco had almost forgotten.

"Thank you", he whispered to the ear of the enigmatic boy drifting off to sleep while curled up with him and felt nothingness call for him more gently than it ever had. With a satisfied smile, they both slept until no sane man could call it a morning anymore came.

 


End file.
